When a family breaks up it is a time of upheaval and distress. It doesn’t matter how long you have been together with your partner, when children are involved it makes the situation even more upsetting. It is in these times that careful considerations need to be taken as the actions which occur during the break up could have lifelong implications. Sometimes couples even stay together under duress for the sake of the children but more often than not these circumstances cannot continue long term and at some point you will still have to deal with the split eventually. Everybody will have different circumstances but there are some things which you can do in almost all cases which will help to keep your children as unaffected as possible and allow them to carry on with their lives positively. You have to think that this is not the end but rather a new chapter and so you need to do all of the right things now to ensure the next part of your story pans out the best way possible.
Talk with Each Other
This might seem improbable at first but you need to find a way to communicate effectively with your previous partner. By speaking you will be able to find solutions to the issues at hand or at least explore and discuss them. By not communicating you will end up undoubtedly arguing more and you will build up a resentment to one another. Remember that you used to be able to talk amicably and try to take an almost detached business-like approach to the matter. Swallow your pride and remind yourself that this is for your children and their future wellbeing. By sitting down and talking it may be possible to find middle ground or negotiate certain things. In some cases, couples who split can resolve everything before even getting to legal proceedings and this will not only help the smooth running of everything but allow the impact on the children to be minimised.
Act Properly in Front of the Children
One of the worst things which you can do during a split is to scream and argue at each other in front of your kids. You should be doing everything in your powers to shelter them from the conflict and so rowing in the presence of your children is certainly not going to be doing that. Be mindful of what you say to them also about the other parent. Don’t use them as agony aunts to complain about the bad things your ex has done or bad mouth them. Children will not understand what is going on but they may very well remember some of the things you say to them. Chances are they will repeat these to the other parent and this could make life more difficult and relationships even more frosty. It is highly likely that your previous partner has done nothing bad towards them and so saying negative things about them to the children can be deeply upsetting and even divisive.
Speak to the Children
This can be very dependent on the age of your children. With young children you may just need to say that daddy is going away to live somewhere else now but you will see him every week or something equivalent. Older children however will probably have lots of questions. You need to try to answer that everything that is happening is not their fault and constantly reassure them of this. You can choose to say you are splitting or not but you need to communicate certain elements of the situation to them. At some point you are likely to be seeking the aid of qualified lawyers and doing lots of other things which will seem alien and scary to your children so make sure they are looked after throughout. Your children often understand more than you think and can often think in a very matter of fact way so you might be surprised how receptive they are to you speaking with them. Speak with your ex to ensure you are saying the same things wherever possible so they are not being confused. No matter how tired or stressed you are always find the time for them at this point more than ever.